but I’m going to do it anyway!
I have no idea how to blog, and really shouldn’t be doing it because the last thing I need is more distraction, but the idea just keeps pulling at me, and I’ve finally caved. Here we go …
The biggest reason I shouldn’t be doing this is that I’m already a writer, and I have so many other things I need to be writing. I have a couple chapters of a history book to be working on, primarily. I am an obsessive journal-keeper. Frankly, it is the journal that has been the biggest block to starting a blog, because I’m afraid my online journal will take up what little time I have to write my old-fashioned one, which I have been writing faithfully for 24 years now. But I suppose if I find that is the case, I could just quit. No one is making me do anything – it’s just all my own personal writing obsession here.
So, a little about me: I am a mom of three kids, Maya – 10, Asher – 7, and Boo – 4. I’ve been married to J for 11 years. I’m Canadian, Jewish, live in the burbs, recycle, a trained doula who doesn’t practice because I can’t get rid of my own kids easily enough, and I have Fibromyalgia. My house is a mess, but I never give up on the hope that I’ll one day win over the clutter. I quit my full-time job when my son was a year to be a stay-at-home mom (another stay-at-home mom blog – just what the world needs!) and freelance writer, but then Boo came along and the writing part has been slow to take off. Still, I manage some work. The most fun was a sporadic column in the city paper. As I go along, I’ll probably include those columns here, when the inspiration hits.
When I was about 20 years old and home from university for the summer, I remember watching my mother cope expertly with some crisis, probably involving my aging grandmother. I realized that my mother always knew what she was doing. She was competent. I felt in no way competent. But I was already 20 – technically an adult. When would I feel that way? So I asked her if she could please tell me exactly when I would actually feel like a capable adult. She told me, “I’ll let you know. I’m just making it up as I go.” And so am I.
Competence! It’s a dream of mine. Unrealistic, but still I cling to it.
I have that same thought about my mother all the time. She always knew what she was doing. It’s as if she received some kind of mom training I haven’t been privy to. If I asked I’m sure she’d say exactly what your mom did. What haunts me is what my own kids will think when they’re parents. Will they see me as all-knowing Goddess who could skillfully explain long division while simultaneously nursing a baby and cooking a delicious, multi-course, nutrition-packed meal, or will they, as they breeze through parenthood on instinct, think “was there ever any woman as incompetent as my mother? I submit that there was not!”
Thanks for adding me to your blogroll! As soon as I get a handle on my own page-o-rants, I’ll return the favor!
My kids will remember me as the Mom Who Was On The Computer Too Much But Also Showed Up To Support Us At Every Event And Occasionally Did Laundry.
That’s good enough for me!
Thanks for linking to me, too! Happy blogging!
I am 21 years old (and a fellow Canadian) and still think my mother has all the answers! Your reason for not starting a blog because you are already a writer is actually similar to my reason for starting – I want to become a writer. I also worried about abandoning my traditional journal if I got too caught up in blogging.
Best of luck to you! I have been at this literally two weeks and have been getting positive feedback and decent traffic.