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Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

maya is my favourite child

I love maya the best. My other children just can’t live in her path. she’s just to amazing. maya is everything i have ever wanted. asher has his ups and downs boo has her downs and ups. but maya just has ups. she is the smartist in the family. she is perfect. we got a dog for ashers birthday but actually it was really for maya. we are taking the kids to cirque de soleil because we knew maya would like it. she is special. i wish some day i could be as smart, beautifull, amazing, great, wonderfull, perfect, awsome, excellent and spectacular as maya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Turns out Maya knows the names I use for the kids on my blog. And recognizes the blog template page. I came to the computer to find this left for me. My favourite bit is that she only has ups. My second favourite is the unintentional humour in her statement that she is the ‘smartist’ in the family.

For the record, she is – as I always tell her – my very favourite eldest child and oldest girl. She’s even my favourite 12-year-old. And now she’s my favourite guest blogger.

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I’ve been sulking because I couldn’t find my card reader and I had some great pictures on my camera. I couldn’t think of anything else to put on the blog but the pictures. Of course, now that I have the pictures downloaded, I can think of lots of other things to blog about.

I rejoined Weight watchers, for one. I want to be less fat for Maya’s bat mitzvah in April. And I just want to be less fat in general.

Asher’s digital camera broke and when we tried to have it fixed, they declared it not worth the trouble, which was what I suspected would happen. He wanted a new one, so I went online and found him the same make and similar model, but upgraded – more megs, longer zoom, etc. After tax and shipping, it cost him $122.02. Unbelievable. You can get a decent camera for an incredible price now. Anyway, he had $128.02 in his bank account, so he’s still up $6 and is a happy boy. We ordered it Wednesday and it arrived today. Which is why I can upload my pictures, to tell the truth, because I used th cord that came with his camera.

Here is Jasper, happy to be free.

I thought if anything would get that dopey dog to actually swim, it would be ducks. But he still wouldn’t go over his head. And the ducks knew it.

We saw a heron, too. I have other pictures closer up, but I like this because Jasper’s head is there. The heron left moments later. It wasn’t as trusting as the ducks.

Find the boy:

Feeding the ducks. The dog was initially outraged that the stale bagels were going to the ducks.

Maya, throwing fluffies.

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So yesterday, I hauled out all the plastic stuff we have to get rid of it, or at least take it out of circulation. Then, in a moment of blogginess, I then put it all on the counter and took a picture. I uploaded the picture onto the computer, then told wordpress to upload it onto my blog. It did so. It is now sitting in my ‘gallery.’ However, when I agree with wordpress that I would like the ‘gallery’ placed in my post, it does this:

gallery

Ha ha – a blog program with a sense of humour. Actually, it only does that half the time. The other half of the time, it merely freezes. This is pissing me off. I finally got organized enough to take a photo to accompany my ramblings and the stupid blog program won’t cooperate! I’ve tried for 2 days.

So, picture this: a counter top full of plastic plates, bowls, cups and water bottles. Okay. Good. Who needs photos anyway?

The straw cups aren’t in the pile because the metal water bottles have yet to arrive. But I did discover that they are number 5s, which isn’t a bad plastic as far as leaching is concerned, so perhaps I’ll keep them as back-up. The old sippy cups were 7s, which are very bad, but I have two newer ones that are 5s. Interesting.

I don’t know what to with all this stuff, up there in that inspired photo. Throwing it out seems bad, but I can’t think of a use for it all. Any ideas?

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I’m Number One!

As I have mentioned before, my blog stats show me what phrases people are searching when they find me. I have noticed a couple trends recently. One, there are a lot of people, and I mean a lot, who think they can find luck on the internet. Last summer, I wrote about my success in finding four-leaf clovers and that’s probably the most popular post I have now, even surpassing the ones in which I mention those evil Webkinz.

About once a week, someone leaves a comment on that post actually asking me for luck, like I can somehow dole it out, since I’m so four-leaf-clover rich. (Perhaps some of them should read some more recent posts, then they’d realize that I haven’t actually been that lucky lately, although I suppose the fact that I’m still here to ramble on like this could be considered lucky.) I let the first couple stay, but now I delete them all. But no wonder there are so many people out there trying to take advantage of the gullible and desperate, because it appears there are a great many gullible and desperate people out there.

So I googled the phrase I keep seeing – ‘need some luck.’ My post is second on the list. Oh, lucky me.

The other phrase that comes up all the time is ‘lumpy boobs.’ I had no idea so many women were worried about their lumpy boobs. (I’m assuming the searchers are worried women rather than interested men.) I had no idea so many boobs were lumpy. So I googled that phrase and I’m first! How can I be first when so many people seem concerned about this? All the rest of the links on the first page lead people to actual real answers, and yet people keep clicking on me.

Luck and boobs. That’s what it’s all about.

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I’ve been getting some strange search strings lately, or just some plain dumb ones. I wish I could answer them in retrospect. Like to the person who googled, “pain in tooth that was just filled.” Honey, it is going to hurt for a little while. It just got drilled. It needs a chance to settle down. Don’t worry about it. Take Advil. That stuff is great for dental pain.

Someone else googled ‘smartest dog ever.’ Fortunately, this time coming to my site gave them the answer they are looking for right away: my dog.

Some wants ‘real life people who converted religions.’ I don’t quite get this. Real life people? As opposed to fictional? Because, frankly, it is way easier to come up with actual human beings than fictional ones. Maybe they meant us average joes rather than famous people like, uh, Sammy Davis Jr.

Some guy (I’ll assume it was a guy) wants ‘mom’s breasts.’ I can only guess he wants his own mom’s breasts, although how the internet is supposed to know who his mom is, I am not sure. But if he wanted someone else’s mom’s breasts, why didn’t he just search for ‘breasts’ alone?

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Even weirder than people who google their way to me is the stuff I manage to follow out, like the link to one FMS web page that talked about ‘colonix.’ Curious as to what this is, I googled it myself. Well! Apparently there really is no shame in the land of the internet.

I’ll save you the links, for the faint of heart. For those less faint, it shouldn’t be hard to find. Turns out that a lot of people are very worried about being constipated and so some guy (now lots of them) came up with a ‘cleansing system’ that requires lots of fiber, laxatives and herbal teas. You can juice and fast too, if you’d like. Of course, people have been doing this for centuries, but the twist one guy came up with is the idea that, thanks to our sluggish systems, bogged down by our unhealthy Western diet, our colons are becoming lined with a thick layer of something one of them coined ‘mucoid plaque’ – basically shit that just sticks around forever, releasing harmful toxins into our systems and making us sick.

That concept has a certain appeal. If you feel crappy, take this stuff and shit out all your illness. I might have even considered it had I not had that lovely barium enema last year to try to figure out what was up with me. Already chronically constipated, I had to drink this hideous, horrible laxative which basically has one on the can until you are shitting water. I was a bit concerned I wasn’t empty enough, as my body was more resistant to the laxative than it was supposed to be, so the techie kindly took some pictures to check and pronounce my guts pink and squeaky clean.

Here’s the thing about the colonix people – after they give themselves the runs for a while, they start to shit out weird stuff, ropey gross stuff. They are convinced this is the ‘mucoid plaque.’ But if anyone was likely to have such a thing in them it’d be me, and nothing of the sort showed up when I scrubbed my insides clean. Of course, I wasn’t using those expensive colonix things, which contain lots of fiber and clay and stuff that might possibly bond together in one’s guts and come out in a big lumpy pile and convince the gullible and vulnerable that they are ridding themselves of long-held toxic poop.

Here’s the weirdest part: there are many, many people out there – a whole sub-culture – who decided to ‘cleanse’ themselves and then blog about it. Every single day, they write down how many times they pooped, when and what the poop was like. And, best of all, they take pictures! Some of them have entire picture galleries devoted to the products of their butts! I have come across a lot of weird stuff on the internet, but this really ranks right up at the top.

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As I’ve mentioned previously, I can see the search terms allowing people to reach my site. I now know why there are so many slutty Halloween costumes out there. I’ve gotten searches for ‘homemade slut costume’ (if you can’t figure that out on your own, don’t bother). And ‘slutty clown costume’ (just, why?). Also, ‘gay leather’ (they must have been so disappointed to end up here) and ‘leaf’ (?). Next to the slutty clown question, my current favourite is: ‘is Dalton McGuinty Jewish?’ I hope that person didn’t vote.

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Ow ow ow ow ow. Ow.

I exercised. Ow.

I’ve been walking, convincing myself that is exercise. It is, right? But it clearly isn’t cutting it, so now that all three kids are in school full time and I don’t have a full time job, it is time to ratchet up the exercise. Significantly.

My fibromyalgia is bad. Very bad. Washing and cutting up potatoes to boil causes extreme neck pain, for instance. This makes dinner difficult. Every little injury hurts for days, and I am only getting worse. I take 2 pills in the morning and 4 in the evening, and that isn’t counting the pain pills (which I am still slowing weaning off successfully, so at least that is going in the right direction). I feel like I keep propping myself up chemically while the foundation crumbles.

So, time to rebuild the foundation. I swam laps for half an hour this afternoon. I paused every 50 meters (2 pool lengths) to rest, could only do breast stroke and my shoulders and neck still complained (front crawl is completely unbearable) and pulled a calf muscle. All my muscles are screaming, which has tipped me off to how much walking wasn’t really exercise.

I’m going back Friday, then Monday, then Wednesday again. And I signed up for yoga Tuesdays and Thursdays, and will not quit this time, no matter what. And once my body stops screaming at me for all that, I will add weight training. This will not be pretty. The squeamish among you may want to avert your eyes.

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You know what I don’t get – how people manage to throw up photos so fast onto their blogs. Getting them the right size so that they don’t eat all my space takes time, and slows me down. I have two photos ready to go, except their pictures aren’t. Off to work on that.

Oh, and I also don’t get the point of having tags and categories. What’s the difference?

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